It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
