Your dad touched me again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
