His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my liver is dry heaving
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
