I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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