How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
