I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
