My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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