slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
