I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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