Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
