Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the day after is always just damage control
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
