omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
