3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
