Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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