Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
