im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize