I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
