the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
