One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
