Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was born a porn star she said
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
