My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
