go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
