I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
