if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
