mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
