i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
