chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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