margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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