Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
