you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
