I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
