everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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