dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she told me i tasted like america
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
