Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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