you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
