Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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