the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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