i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i'm inner monologue high
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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