Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize