this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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