You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
