shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
