I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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