I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
