8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
