The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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