I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
