i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
