I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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