Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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