why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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