Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
