Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
