Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Acid is not a monday night drug
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
