After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
