if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
