how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
