This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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