I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
