Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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