am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
