dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
