My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
