i jhust puked up my retainher.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
