I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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