Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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