Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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