Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
