please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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