Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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