Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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