Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
