im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
