her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
