my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
