I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
