Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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