I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
