At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
