I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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