There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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