i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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