ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
