My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have post one night stand depression
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
