I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have aggressive nipples.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
