hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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