I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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