i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
