im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
